A pick me up...if you feel like me.

Don't worry, you all know that I walk around this time of year vomiting Christmas, but I wanted to break from that for a special post. ****I want to warn you, first and foremost, that this is a very, very personal post about my life. It is very emotional, but because of that, I hope you find advice within it.***As most of you know, I am approaching graduation in May. I have gone through many struggles in the past 5 years. It started with deep depression...that, in all honesty, was getting close to costing me my life...and in some ways already did. I began to hate most people because I didn't see how the human race could be so cruel and selfish...and sadly some of the worse cases I saw "did it for God's glory." I became agnostic and lost myself. I hated who I was, and became attracted to damaging things because they were the only things that still made me cry -- and that negative emotion was better than the lack of emotion I felt most of the time. That story is not the purpose of this post. I told you that to tell you that I have incredible people in my life now...one's who serve a living and loving God....a god that want to see me succeed....not a malicious god: A God I can trust and believe in. Now you know the reason for the title and subtitle of my blog. I have beat depression and depleted the negativity in my life, but there is one thing I have yet to overcome: anxiety.

Now I swore when I started blogging that I want people to get benifits and enjoyment out of reading my blog...and I wanted to dedicate it to crafts, how tos, cheap fix-its, great services, well-being....I will most likely never post something of this nature again, because it's not my style, and although it helped shape me...it is not who I am now...but, please, keep reading...it has a happy ending, I promise :)

But back to the anxiety thing.... I believe people who lack purpose also lack something to believe in. Even though I believe in God, I worry every day that I will not serve his purpose for me. I believe my purpose is in serving, itself. More than anything in the world I want to dedicate myself to helping others...to fighting for people who are unable to fight for themselves...however, I have always felt like I have a white whale (Moby Dick reference). Right now, it is the economy, nonprofits are being hit the hardest. It is also the facts that I don't know how to find those things or that I don't have an "addicting" personality....and I'm fine with that, but many other people aren't. I also am casting my fears in God...(in reference to Peter walking on water) I'm trying to focus on Jesus instead of the waves around me....but just like Peter, it's been difficult....

(here's the part I think you'll enjoy) Today I found a posted note on Facebook. It was posted by a girl I knew in middle school from (I believe) her advisor. I've heard inspiration speeches and "You'll be fine" so many times....which is why I love this note, this guy addresses that. Therefore, I'm compelled to share it with you, and I hope it finds you like it did me (keep in mind the note is to a girl named "Kristin" or "KK")


"Kristin, my intelligent young friend, life is very, VERY short. And the days we have to enjoy are brief. You have now what most would trade their lives to have. Youth and freedom. What seems terrifying and overwhelming is in fact the greatest opportunity of your life. If you don't have a clear plan, find a place that you love and go there to enjoy life while you plan. You can get a job waiting tables anywhere until you can find something better. Get your head together in this beautiful place and make it the launching pad for your next adventure. My experience has taught me that there is no way to know for sure what that adventure may be or what doors will open for you once you are in this new environment. But one thing is certain. If you do not follow your joys and loves, you will never find them. Dreams must be pursued and you have a guide within you that tells you when you are on the right path.

Make a list of the things you love to do. Ask yourself how you can build your life around these things. When you are inspired to do something, people around you are inspired to help you. Doors will open for you that would not open for anyone else. I have seen it happen. It isn't magic, but it will feel like it. Don't get discouraged. Believe in yourself. Others will too. When you get older, you will regret the things you didn't do far worse than the ones you did. Dreams should be as big as the sky, KK. Dream big. You have nothing to lose. You will never starve. You will never be on the street. No real reason to feel fear, but if you ever do, use it to motivate yourself to be more than the challenge facing you. Each time you overcome an obstacle, you grow stronger. The truly successful know this. You know this too. I'm not telling you anything you don't already know. The trick is to believe. Believe in your ability to find your path to your wonderful future and it WILL appear.

Everyone needs four things. First, a belief in a Higher Power. We didn't create ourselves and we are not in control of everything. In times of great suffering (and everyone faces them), turn here. Release your worries. Feel the weight lift off of your shoulders. Be mindful of this loving Source all the time. You are never alone.

Second, someone to love. The highest purpose of our lives is to love. When you love, be selfless and never take love for granted. Even when you get hurt, allow yourself to love again. True love nurtures the one loving. Always.

Third, something to do. Focus on tasks of purpose. Work. Feel good about the things you do. All honest work is honorable. Have healthy rituals of comfort to reward yourself and give your daily life structure.

Fourth, dreams. Dreams of your greatest ambitions. Dreams that you will one day make true. Dream big. And realize that all the people you admire were once right where you are now. The difference between them and others is that they pursued their dreams when so many quit or never started. The difference between you and them is only time. They made it. So can you. But you've got to believe it is possible. It is, KK. I believe in you. And so do all the people who know and love you.

Okay, I have taken enough of your brief time on planet Earth with this speech. I know this isn't advising for a specific academic path, but it is what I would tell you if you came into my office feeling lost. That's where the greatest adventures begin. Yours is waiting for you. Be excited for it! Get ready to go find it. Begin with your loves. You can't go wrong."



So this post was a little heavier than most. I'm pretty private about my life and am very uncomfortable showing emotions....but now that I've put it out there I'd love to know what you think. Have a blessed day!